I've been a bad blogger! It's been a busy few weeks though and am excited about new changes that are going on! I've finally committed to working out, going to aquafit 4 times last week! Then I did 2 hours of Wii Fit on Sunday and Monday and even got up early yesterday to do 30 mins of yoga on the Wii! Who am I?? This is not the normal me at all! I am so glad I found aquafit though because it's something I actually enjoy doing and am staying committed to. Now after about 2 weeks I am feeling the difference. I feel so much better and have the energy to get up and do things instead of sitting on the couch night after night. I was in a rut and I needed an out, who knew this would be it? I've struggled my whole life trying to find the balance between eating right and working out. This isn't something I usually like to talk about because then I feel like other people will have expectations of me and I worry I can't even keep up to my own. I am afraid to push myself and put myself out there. I know this isn't the right way but it's just how I am.
The eating right part is hard. I know what is right and wrong, I just choose to ignore that most of the time. But I never worked out to make up for my un healthy eating... or snacking at least. You'd think since I am a vegetarian I would be a really healthy eater, but the lack of meat means that I am often drawn to carb filled alternatives instead of what I should be eating, lots of fresh vegetables and healthy veggie alternatives. It's hard though unless you have a plan to choose the right things to eat. I am trying though to be more conscience. I am having granola and yoghurt in the morning, a banana for my snack then I try to make an interesting salad for lunch. But that gets boring.... I've been doing pretty good but I need to mix it up and a basic iceburg lettuce mix just doesn't cut it.
I am trying to buy more healthy snack options too, fruits, carrots, hummus, Laughing Cow cheese, pickles and crackers. Ok the crackers aren't so good but I am trying to moderate and find lower calorie options. I know I can't cut myself off completely because then I will just totally blow it and have a snack attack on a bag of Doritos or something. I just need to surround myself with better options so I don't get distracted by the ones I really want...
Eating out is pretty tough. I feel like if I am going to go to a restaurant and pay the money I want to enjoy what I'm eating! I don't want to go out just to have a plain salad with dressing on the side... I mineswell stay home! So I guess I will just try to moderate eating out which is also good for my sad little bank account!
I have a short term goal but I want this to be long term, and I have a very important long term goal, a wedding!! I know I won't be ready to have a wedding until I am happy with myself, and we're in no hurry so mineswell wait until it's right. Plus there's the affording it part, that still needs to be worked on! I think I've thought more about the honeymoon then the wedding itself! That part makes my head hurt...
It's funny when I look back at pictures from only a few years ago and wish I was in that same place, yet at the time I wasn't happy either. So will I ever be happy with myself I sometimes wonder? After struggling for so many years I know I just have to be happy and positive with any progress I make. I just wish I didn't keep making it harder for myself! I think my mom first put me on a diet before I was 13. I remember drawing a graph and tracking my progress, and counting points. I was just a normal kid but I already had it in my head that I wasn't. My parents were always on diets and anyone that knows them would be surprised because they don't look like they need to be, and they don't. This idea was pushed on me so when I moved out I felt like I could finally be free and make my own choices. My drug of choice was salt. Bad, unhealthy, salty treats. So I kept spiraling and it's hard to stop that pattern once it's started. I guess everyone has an addiction of sorts and this is just mine.
So now here I am 10 years out of high school and afraid to see people that knew me, wondering what they're saying about me behind my back. So it's time to break the cycle but I know it will take a lot of hard work. It's something I will deal with my whole life, I just have to try and stay on the right path and accept the support around me!
Stay fit and have fun! :)
This would be one of those bad choices! But it was New York!